Category Archives: cancer

Cancer Prevention

Often, cancer is a crap shoot. It will be a while before medical science can always predict who will get cancer and who won’t. My cancer, plasma cell leukemia, is rare, and not much is understood about it. (Yes, I’m in complete remission, but this was my diagnosis not very long ago.) 

But it’s silly to increase your risk for cancer. Here are some habits to think about. Taking small steps can add up to great results.

Photo Credit: DES Daughter Flickr via Compfight cc

The New Normal

Be the Match workshop for transplant recipients and families

When I agreed to a stem cell transplant, I only knew that it was my best chance for a cure. I’m in complete remission. The transplant did save and extend my life. I can think and write and meditate. I can get myself here and there. I’m able to appreciate and enjoy this beautiful life.

It’s probably good that I’m only now fully hearing from others what my body has been trying to tell me: that these ups and downs might not be temporary, but rather my new normal.

Reading and Writing

It’s a beautiful spring afternoon in Houston. I hope you’re comfortable and safe, wherever you are.

A brief update on my health, for my friends who like keeping track of me: I’m generally feeling pretty good, still managing limited energy. In the last month my liver enzymes got too high; there’s a concern about graft-versus-host disease in the liver, so my doctor started me on Prednisone again. After two weeks of steroid, not only did my liver enzymes improve, but hemoglobin and platelets dramatically improved. No one seems to have an explanation for that, yet. Now, I’m once again tapering off Prednisone, and lab tests this Thursday will be important feedback. 

This new immune system is eleven months old. (Its “birthday” is March 26.) I still haven’t received my “childhood” immunizations, because I have to be off steroids before receiving them. This means I’m vulnerable to every childhood illness, as well as cold and flu and everything else. I’m careful about going into crowds of people. I try to stay a room away from children under four.

I am reading a lot lately, more than I ever have. I’ve read nine books since the first of the year. (Find me on goodreads.com.) When I was sick I went for months without reading anything. It feels good to dive into books again, both fiction and nonfiction.

I’m writing a lot, too. My latest musings have been on the subject of silence–the emotional spectrum of silent experiences and responses to silence. 

Monday, Feb. 27 is Shambhala Day, the Tibetan new year. The Year of the Fire Rooster! I’ll have more to share on that subject next week.

Cheers and love to you all.

Working it

Sleep has been elusive lately. From one night to the next, the Ambien might work, or not; the melatonin might work, or not. One night I took a Benadryl for my allergies AND an Ambien for sleep, and that worked too well…

I’m on a steady dose of Prednisone again (thus the insomnia), because my liver enzymes are elevated and it’s unclear why. My transplant doctor suspects I might be dealing with graft-versus-host disease (GVHD) in the liver. I see a GVHD specialist next week.

For now, sleep, or the lack thereof, rules my life. If I have a particularly bad night, I might lie in till noon, and I hate not having a morning. When every day is different, I can’t get into a regular ritual and routine. My husband gets home around 6:00 pm, we enjoy dinner and watch something together, and then it’s time to turn in. I do what I can to relax, rest, hope to sleep, and look forward to a better day.

Last night the melatonin worked, and I got up around 9:00 this morning. Time for both breakfast and lunch!

The first hour or so after getting up usually sucks. My heart races when I just walk from room to room. It’s disappointing when I can sit up in bed in the morning feeling alert, and then feel exhausted by the time I’ve walked from the bathroom to the kitchen. But it’s undeniable, this fatigue. I just have to pay attention and work with it. When I don’t push myself, I usually feel better after I’ve been up an hour or two.

Working with it continues to take new forms. When I’m tired I sit down for just a few minutes and get up again. When I have the energy, there’s laundry to do, and always some tidying up. Some days I follow whims, like the day I made granola from scratch (wonderful), and yesterday, when I made yogurt. (I’ll do better next time.) 

What I want is a reasonably regular schedule for two activities: formal meditation practice, and writing.

After forgetting an appointment last week, I ordered a planner. For the first time in a long time, I have a fresh, new, spiral-bound landing pad to capture my intentions and goals, and schedule (and re-schedule) my time accordingly. I’ll use this simple tool to revisit my priorities–and plan my shifting available time–with fresh eyes.

Gifts

Good news is always the best kind of gift. This time last year, right before Christmas, Jessica, the Stem Cell Transplant coordinator, called me to say they had found a stem cell donor for me. The donor was a 100%, perfect match. 

Jessica sounded almost giddy with excitement. I learned later that the team had started to worry. They were having difficulty finding many donor options for me. They were so relieved to confirm not just a good match, but a perfect one (14/14 alleles). My doctor called me her “Christmas miracle.”

Yesterday I received a different kind of good medical news. My kidney function is dramatically improved for the first time in many months. My doctors agree that the cause of the problem was TMA (thrombotic microangiopathy), and that the TMA is now “resolved.” Bye, TMA.

I was hospitalized for the effects of TMA in June. The immunosuppressant medication Tacrolimus, which is standard issue post-transplant, caused my TMA. TMA results in a cascade of effects, among them lower hemoglobin and higher creatinine levels.

Healthier kidneys, no more TMA–it’s a huge relief. The news nicely confirms how well I’ve been feeling the last few days, both physically and mentally. With healthier kidneys and good management of my blood pressure, I feel more energy during the day, so I’m more active. Once I’ve finished tapering off the current course of steroids, I’ll sleep better too.

Last weekend, before getting the news, I felt inspired to revisit my Qi Gong and lengthy meditation practices for the first time in, well, a very long time. These practices put me in touch with “life force energy.” We all have life force energy while we’re alive, but circumstances and our untamed minds can distract us from staying in touch with it. As a result we feel less alive. 

The last 14 months have been life-threatening, draining, challenging. I am realistic enough to know there are likely to be more bumps on this road. There are no guarantees. So I’m grateful for the practices that help plant me in the center of my precious life. I appreciate the committed doctors who have been so dedicated to making me well. I’m thankful for all my friends and family who share their warmth and caring.

To you and yours, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, cheerful Solstice. 

Life Changes

Life changed dramatically for me and my family when I was diagnosed last year with plasma cell leukemia. The perspective I’ve contemplated for half my life–that situations are impermanent and unpredictable–came alive as a sanity-saver. I’ll be sharing parts of that story here, along with other brilliant stuff.